i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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