I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I supernannyed him into submission
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
