Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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