i just wanna soil my oats bro
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
