i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize