She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
