he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
