She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
