White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
