Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I die, sorry about rent.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
