Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
