He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
