your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i would one night stand the shit outta him
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
