I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
