i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
