john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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