trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
