dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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