Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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