sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
