I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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