Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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