dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
