How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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