Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
