The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
