If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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