I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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