I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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