Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
