I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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