i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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