not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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