you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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