So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
