what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
