Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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