dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize