There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
