the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
