WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
