She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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