remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So many bounce houses so little time
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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