If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
