I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
