You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
