I just pynch a tree in the face
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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