she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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