i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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