Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
