How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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