you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
