fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize