My hand turned me down
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
