jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
