She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
