he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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