WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
