Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
