i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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