Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
