You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
