He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
