you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
