what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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