If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
