it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize