I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize