THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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