It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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