I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
