You just made me feel so damn special
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
