okay pat passed out under dana's car
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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