another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
