We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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