the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
