I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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