I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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