I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
