'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
