who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
