Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
