I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
