dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
