I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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