I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
