Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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