Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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