He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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