The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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