Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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