I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
