Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize