You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
